Saturday, 10 January 2015

A victory of sorts

We tried another web-cam game, with our West Australian player taking the part of the insurgents, with good local knowledge, but poor command and control; and a local player playing the Australian (UNSAF) forces, who would have better communications and overview. However, we were thwarted to some extent by 'technical' issues; the web cam kept seizing up. We ended up using an iPad and skype. The board was set up as below; the road ran through a shallow valley, with a village in the centre. The main compound was just outside the village to the left. All woods were average, restricting line of sight to 3". There was a legacy minefield that the insurgent player was aware of - the large poppy field, surrounded by walls, between 2 woods and the compound - but was unknown to the UNSAF player. 10 turns were allowed on a 6 x 4 board.

The insurgent brief was as follows :- You've been informed that the westerners are going to search your compound for drugs and weapons, so you've moved everything out in advance, and decided to give them a little surprise... Your aim is to kill, wound or capture the westerners. Your men are hidden in ambush around the area, and ratlines enable them to move between positions without being spotted. Some other local groups have also promised to assist, including a mortar team. You, of course, are 'supervising' from a nearby hill (bottom right corner in the first photo); be aware that the westerners are likely to be monitoring your communications.

The UNSAF brief was simple :- Your platoon is to raid the compound of a suspected local drug lord, and confiscate any drugs or guns you find there. You are not expected to encounter anything but token resistance; the main suspect has shown pro-western sympathies in the past, but must be taught that poppy cultivation is not acceptable in the modern Malikastan. There are also believed to be civilians in the village, so be on your best behaviour. (UNSAF to enter from the top of the photo, and advance to the compound).

Here is one side's version of the events that followed...

The valley from the south
Ubadul Hin-D’most’s satellite phone rang, it was the interpreter from the local UNSAF base, the man earned his drugs by quickly saying, “Ubadul, they are coming to get your guns and opium.”  With that said the phone went dead.  Ubadul swore, the damnable drug-stealing crusaders had not been in his valley for months.  His latest lecture on the pro’s of Holy War [to ensure the crusaders stayed away from his compound] had put the new batch of international volunteers to sleep.  This bunch were even worse than the last batch, lazy drug-dealing thugs from Australia and across Europe.  All they did was steal his drugs and eat his food and kick his dog.  He sighed, “O, for the good old days.”… when he had well trained, well indoctrinated soldiers to protect his poppies from the Russians.

Ubadul's compound, with flag flying...
He shouted his Holy ‘Warriors’ awake; “Brothers, I need to head over to town to buy more…food.  While I am away please go to your rooms and make sure your weapons are in good order.” With that he mounted his donkey, called his dog, and with a few slaps of his fly-switch was off in the opposite direction.  He eventually reached his hide, well stocked with hashish, beer and literature (porn). He then phoned the idiot…his second in command…, “Hey, Rubesh bin-Sidni, bad news man, some soldiers are coming down the valley, there are only…hmm, 4 of them, get your boys into ambush.  I am riding as fast as my ass can carry me.”

Rubesh was over the Moon: he could fight the UNSAF without having to go to “El Stalingrad” and test his faith against a 2,000lbs JDAM. He ordered his men to take up positions around the village, and sniggered, this was way cooler than being arrested for selling drugs in King’s Cross! Rubesh ordered his PKM man to setup the machine-gun on the top storey and then sat back and had a smoke.  He did not even look over when the PKM gunner got his finger jammed in the feeder.
The Australian advances (blue) and the Insurgent responses (Black)
The first sign of trouble was when Rezikel bin-Brisbani, the brave fool, opened fire from his forward position on the advancing UNSAF only to be met with an accurate fusillade from the UNSAF troops.  Rubesh laughed, Rezikel was a fool, not like Rubesh himself who was way back from the fight.

Ubadul sat miles away from the fight munching on a Hershy bar.  Ah, contact! He got on his radio to some Hotakistani soldiers at the border post to the east, “Hey, can you send over some mortars?”, “Eh?”, “Send over some fncking mortars.”  “Hey, is that you Ubadul?”  “No, it's your bloody mother.”  “Hey Uba, the hashish you sent us is all finished.” “So, what, I want mortars…”  And so on, as the UNSAF advanced Ubadul spent the time arguing over how much a mortar was worth in hashish-dollars.

The international Holy Warriors held their fire as Rezikel took the hits.  But when targets appeared they fired, but were truly terrible, they exposed themselves, and even before they could fire were pummeled with a rain of bullets and mortars.  Ubadul watched the clown show through his binoculars.  He sighed.  He received a few calls from his men; they begged for help; he told them they were doing fine - "I can see the UNSAF falling like wheat before a [blunt] scythe". He phoned the mortar men again but the phone was engaged. By now UNSAF mortars began to pepper the town, a few of the buildings collapsed.
UNSAF mortars destroy the village. (Note Ubadul's Golden Holden)
Ubadul cursed; he could see UNSAF troops advancing in the open and the mortar men’s phone was still engaged. He was happy to see a UNSAF solider go down on the broken down wall, but cringed to see the heavy fire hit his men’s positions.  He watched with silent anticipation as the UNSAF advanced through the Russian-Italian minefield… Gah!  His sheep regularly blew up!  Not even a little smoke.

He phoned each of his teams, but found most were silent.  He heard an explosion as UNSAF breached his compound wall.  He phoned Rubesh, “Rubesh, keep them away from the dr…weapon cache.” Rubesh was frantic, “They are killing everything!” “Who is doing the killing? Us?” “No.”

An insurgent sniper team is spotted, and comes under punitive fire.
By now more mortars smashed into the town, and whenever Ubadul’s men tried to shoot they received x10 in return and soon the town was full of the dying and dead.

Then Ubdaul saw an amazing sight; six of his idiots were charging up a hill, in the open, bullets landing everywhere, somehow they made it to the woods at the top of the hill.  Moments later he saw them reappear, once again with UNSAF bullets landing all around them, but dragging an UNSAF prisoner.  “Sweet, that will keep my masters happy.”
Udadul watches helplessly as the Australians head into his compound. All defensive fire is met with withering overwatch
Rubesh looked out the window down into the colonnaded lean-to in the compound.  There, below were Australian soldiers.  He counted two of them trying to medicate two of their fallen comrades; he whooped!  But he then realized that meant his friends down stairs were no more.  He looked around and thought, two UNSAF…and he had 6 men and himself.  He pulled out his knife, and with much ululating ran down the stairs to finish off the two soldiers.  Unfortunately it was a gunfight.  And ululating sought of killed the advantage of surprise...

As Rubesh slumped to the ground his last thought was, “Damn...I thought I was...”

An Australian soldier walked up to the bodies, “Holy Shit mate, this dead fucka has a Manly shirt.” His mate looked over, “Ha, Manly always loses.  Fucker should have known better.”

Ubadul finally saw mortars raining down from his friends across the border, but instead of landing on the UNSAF troops crossing the street they landed amongst his herd of goats. Ubadul cracked a beer and sighed; these volunteers from Australia were crap; he had lost 29 “soldiers”, and the interpreter reported that amongst the Australians two were dead, a few wounded and one missing.  He asked himself what would having one warrior like old Ubadul be worth?  He laughed, “Hell, if there were two of me I would be sitting here sharing my shit.” All in all a good day. Though Ubadul had lost lots of AK’s and bags of opium he now had 29 fewer mouths to feed.  “Always look on the bri...”  

Then he cursed - he had a whole herd of goats to eat this evening.

Ubadul's goats...  :~(


  1. The insurgents did spring their ambush a little early, and the Australian overwatch smacked them hard. Other than the suicidal dash up the hill everything else turned up the stuff you put roses in to make them grow.

  2. Wow...I don't live in Brisbane (Sunshine Coast) and don't drive atm....yet your blog has single-pagedly (?!?) inspired me to take up the middle eastern theatre with force on force, a system i'd shied away from after a few too many bad trots at Tomorrow's War a few moons back.
    From around mid Feb I should have a working games room, would be great to catch up if you're ever up this neck of the woods!
    Keep up the great work and them dice rolling.